As a child, my mother was my first Goddess- I looked to her to keep me alive. My physical, spiritual and emotional needs were met by her. As I got older, my mother shared the pantheon with the Virgin Mary. I would often turn to the Virgin Mary in my dreams to comfort me and shield me from my fears.
As a teenager, I became aware that Goddess existed as a truth beyond my own personal experiences. After attempting to be the best Catholic ever, I was kicked out of my “Daughters of the Virgin Mary” group after making a presentation on the Virgin Mary as Goddess. I could no longer find solace in the Virgin Mary with her submissive undertones and the Catholic Church with its discomfort of me as a sexual being.
In college, I researched the Goddess in the Neo-Pagan movement. I welcomed the Goddess who saw all acts of love and pleasure as her rituals. I felt that my sexuality was honored by Goddess, the women’s spirituality movement and Neo-Paganism. I started shifting my need for greater mother love to the Goddess.
Later, I went through a dark time in my life full of depression and eating disorders, I immersed myself even more in the history of Goddess. I am forever grateful to Goddess as deity and idea, holding my mother love until I could take it on. Eventually I realized that I could not heal without being my own Mother Goddess. A Mother Goddess nourishing herself physically and emotionally—I healed myself of depression and anorexia.
As an adult, I honor the Goddess– inside and outside of myself. I honor the journey to Goddess, spiritually and psychologically. Thanks to that journey I am able to be the woman I am now. I am a woman who can say, “I love myself”. A woman that provides herself with the love and self-care she needs. Whenever I lose touch with that self-love, I turn to the Goddess as reminder of my Divinity and Power!
Paola Suarez, founder of Goddess Spiral Health Coaching
New York
http://goddessspiral.com
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This is an ongoing collective writing project, initiated by Magoism: The Way of S/He and Mother Tree Sanctuary in response to the question, "Why Goddess Feminism, Activism, or Spirituality?" We will feature different women's answers here and on the Magoism blog in the months to come as part of this project.
Contributions are welcome. Please email magoism@gmail.com or join the discussion on the Magoism group on Facebook.
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