I was not quiet when I gave birth. I cursed, shouted, groaned and bellowed. I swore. I was primal, untamed and uninhibited. My VOICE opened in tandem with my womb. SHE WAS HEARD. No one could argue. Everyone looked a little bit afraid.
The power of my body was beyond my control. I felt inhabited, by a force, an energy current, a fire flow, which was unstoppable, relentless and unharnessed. I ripped off my clothes, I was animalistic and predatory.
Childbearing in a state of trauma and dissociation however, mentored and prepared for the experience by mainstream medicine cognitively and physically in an intellectual sense only, meant the three childbirths caused further trauma and somatic desensitisation in an area of my body already impacted by sexual abuse.
I wish I had understood my body and the primordial Feminine like I do now, then. I wish maternity services were trauma informed and trained.
What is happening for me in Perimenopause is a reclamation of birthing. Healing the womb and vulva is part of this, sensitising tissues and going 'back', somatically to labour; the contractions, the crowning, the push, to reconnect to the fire flow and POWER of explosive birthing - safely.
This is happening organically. I did not consciously decide to do it. It is unfolding as I birth creatively and become more internally Self leading and am seen and heard as my authentic self.
If you would like to contribute your trauma and menopause journey with Goddess, Girl God Books is accepting submissions for two Anthologies at the moment; Re-Membering with Goddess: Healing the Patriarchal Perpetuation of Trauma and The Crone Initiation and Invitation. Women speak on the Menopause Journey.
Education. Evolution. Embodiment.