Finding Myself by Caroline Selles

 

I open the box of puzzle pieces that are my pain.
As I sort through the jumble of jagged bleeding pieces, I notice
My illusions
My faults
My failures
My trauma.

The edges form the suit of armor so familiar, comfortable, and suffocating.
The colors are muted and faded.
The design prescribed by others
My family
My peers
My rapist
My newsfeed.

Edges no longer match.
Pieces no longer fit.
The picture on the box, so attractive and acceptable to others,
The image I am told I should want to form seems
Grotesque
Artificial
Offensive
Unacceptable to me.

One by one, I lovingly scrape off the blood and reshape the pieces.
I add vibrant colors
Of laughter
Of tears
Of dancing
Of truth.

The suit of armor is replaced by a blanket, warm, cozy, comforting and fluid.
I allow the tenderness to mold, not an image, but a feeling. A feeling
Of love
Of belonging
Of connection
Of safety.

I am finding myself, one piece at a time.

Poem and art from our upcoming anthology, Re-Membering with Goddess: Healing the Patriarchal Perpetuation of Trauma
 

Caroline Selles is a veterinarian, reiki practitioner, poet and painter. A self-taught intuitive artist, Caroline began painting as a way of healing thru decades of physical and emotional trauma and illness. What began as a meditative practice with a desire to see more diversity of form and culture in art, has become a spiritual and healing practice and the pathway to finding Goddess and reclaiming her own suppressed cultural inheritance and feminine power. Essential themes of her art and poems include reclaiming female empowerment, female divinity and diversity, integration after trauma and nature as goddess imagery. Born in Valencia, Spain, she currently resides in the United States. She can be found on social media as @thegoddesswithinart or at https://thegoddesswithinart.square.site.