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| Art by Liliana Kleiner |
In my sixty-five years
on earth, I’d barely heard anyone mention her name.
I’d
heard of Lilith Fair, a concert tour organized by Sara
McLachlan in the late 90’s, featuring a roster of female artists.
But
Lilith herself?
We
were certainly never on a first name basis, despite the fact that I
had studied the Old Testament at a Hebrew Day School, and Lilith was
said to have been Adam’s original companion in the Garden of Eden.
Of
course, I was mostly taught by stern men wearing black suits back
then, and they were clearly not focused on a feminist interpretation
of the religion that they dominated so thoroughly.
So
when I was asked to write a foreword for this book, for the first
time I found myself doing some research on the woman who is now just
as relevant – if not more so – than she has been for centuries.
Lilith
was Hillary before Hillary, Gloria before Gloria, Oprah before Oprah…
You
get the idea.
It’s
surprising that I was never drawn to learn about the female archetype
said to be the predecessor of every strong woman on earth. Because
after sixth grade, my father decided to send me to an all-girl Quaker
school. I graduated from that high school with a certain amount of
confidence, perhaps because I’d never measured myself against boys
academically.
But
when I got to college, I became very distracted; I didn’t know who
to be in relation to the young men I saw all around me.
I
wasn’t used to feeling a man’s gaze upon me in class, as I
struggled with an Art History quiz or tried delving into Russian
literature.
I
could have used a friend like Lilith when I walked across the campus,
disoriented and self-conscious.
Lilith
would have been a wonderful college roommate.
She
would have taught me to wear whatever the hell I wanted to wear.
To
cover myself up completely or bare whatever body parts I chose to
bare.
I
could have dyed my hair any color, tattooed anything I wanted onto
myself.
I
could have stayed home or partied all night.
I
could have slept with a hundred men or remained a virgin.
I
could have gained fifty pounds instead of worrying about my
waistline.
But
better late than never.
Perhaps
learning about Lilith in my seventh decade on earth was exactly the
right timing for me.
Women
are hard on themselves; and they’re sometimes hard on each other.
So
I won’t beat myself up about not ushering Lilith into my life when
I was younger.
I
had other Liliths in my life – the four strong, wise female
therapists who helped me heal from hundreds of panic attacks and
decades of anxiety.
Deep
inside of myself, it turns out that I was also Lilith all along –
strong, powerful, sassy, bold, steady in my convictions, joyful and
self-accepting.
I
just needed a few good women to teach me that.
And
one good man.
My
husband of thirty-seven years turned out to be a true feminist, since
he demanded only one thing of me – that I become the very best
version of myself. The person I never even dreamed I could be.
Soft
when I want to be soft, kicking and screaming at times, a
Buddhisty-Jew, a sensitive artist, a dutiful daughter, a sometimes
defiant wife, an advocate for myself, for my husband and our two
beautiful sons, an artist, writer, haphazard cook, well meaning
friend, frightened, strong, funny, confident and bewildered woman
humbled and grateful, nakedly authentic as I face the next chapter of
my life.
A
Lilith in Priscilla’s clothing.
An excerpt from the upcoming Girl God Anthology, Original Resistance: Reclaiming Lilith, Reclaiming Ourselves.
In
the aftermath of 9/11, Priscilla
Warner
co-authored the New
York Times bestseller The
Faith Club,
a memoir about her interfaith relationship with two other New
York mothers. After traveling across the country for three
years, speaking to audiences in churches, synagogues, and
mosques, she vowed to heal from the panic attacks that had
plagued her for decades. Priscilla learned how to meditate and
wrote about her adventures with Buddhist teachers, therapists
and healers in another bestselling memoir, Learning
to Breathe.
Priscilla
lives outside of New York City where is working on her next
book, and making art inspired by her childhood drawings. You can find her at http://priscillawarnerbooks.com/
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